Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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