I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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