WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
