i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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