I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
