Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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