I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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