She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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