i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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