Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
