she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
