She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
