fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
