On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
