That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
