you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
