so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
