At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
