Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
