if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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