oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
