Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
