Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize