you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
