TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
