what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
