and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
