some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
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I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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