I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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