Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
