I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
