he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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