Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
