Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
