Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
