I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
