i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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