I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we made out on top of his cat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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