Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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