never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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