and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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