People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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