One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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