The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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