Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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