you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
