Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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