Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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