Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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