Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
