FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
