I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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