I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
