respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
