So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
