its not stalking. its research.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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