please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
