how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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