It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
