Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
