I can text with my tongue
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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