i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i may or may not be watching the land before time
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
