hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
