In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
