God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
