every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
