it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
