i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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