I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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