im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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