When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
